My Perfectly F'd up Life.
Grief
Description
Grief is the response to the loss of something deemed important, particularly to the loss of someone or some living thing that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed. Grieving is not exclusive to the feelings associated with death or loss of SOMEONE. In fact you can grieve anything. A relationship, a friend ship, a job etc. The cool thing is (ironic I know lol) grief is perfectly normal. Almost everyone one on Earth has experienced it in one way or another. Some way, some how. For me grief came with the idea and the vision I had for my business. My pride and joy. My 5th baby. Something that I had built from the ground up. From nothing but a thought. Up until now it was hard for me to even mention my business without crying or having feelings of hurt or shame. Outside of me having my beautiful kids my business was the first thing in life that I felt like was mine. The first thing I thought I had done right. I felt accomplished. I felt free. I felt creative. I felt like a fkn BOSS! Lol! My hard work was getting noticed and I finally felt like it was paying off. I had always known from a child I was destined to be a boss!(in all the essence of the word) I finally felt like my dreams were coming true! I was on a high and a high horse! Boy was I in for a ride.
Let's be real, 2020 and 2021 we had the time of our lives. We went places we'd never gone! Wore clothes some of us thought we would never touch! Threw money in the club like we was Big Meech! Baby we had BAWL OK?! For some of us this was a goldmine! A chance to finally put the money behind our dreams we had never had access to. So many of us got the chance to start businesses or take the ones we already had to the next level. It felt like Black Wall Street! Like we had won reparations honey! I went full force! Buying inventory, Business Coaches, Marketing, you name it! whatever I thought it would take to elevate me to success, I was with it. It sounded good and was even going good at first. I quit my job without assessing the situation. I didn't think about how I would continue paying my bills and maintaining a profit. I wanted to be a big dog and barely had a bite. I rented a small suite that was a complete waste bc I was hardly there. No return on profit was being made. The money and motivation slowly started dwindling away. To put the nail in the coffin, I got PREGNANT in 2022! *slaps forehead* My God, why would I do such a thing.... For me that was the beginning of the end.
As time went on I had to give up the suite space because It just didn't make sense. No money was coming from it. This was hard because I was so proud to get it in the first place. Low key though, I will be woman enough to say I was living up to a social media image. So caught up on cutting the big ribbon, shipping the thousands of orders that I saw on my timeline day in and day out. I felt so shitty moving all my things to my house. Til this day I still have the display case in my family room lol. As time went on my pregnancy progressed and of course like many other women, I was always sick and tired. Literally. I soon had no interest in promoting or doing anything that had to do with 613&Co. This sent me into a depression because I felt like I was losing the very thing I had worked so hard for. It was so many people that had to go, so many habits that had to be broken. So much discipline and faith to be gained. God has a funny a funny way of breaking you down to build you up! I went through so much spiritual warfare during this time I thought I was going crazy! But what's a test without a testimony? God took a lot in the physical but gave back so much in wisdom and favor. I'm thankful. I was so sad and ashamed to go back to work(just like a lot of yall were lol) I was so worried about what people were going to say. I felt like I had failed. The only thing that comforted me at the time was the thought that "at least I had tried. The people who judging you aint doing sh*t lol!" The bills had to get paid so I went back to the call center.
Even though I looked at it as failure, God let me know that I wasn't quite ready yet. A lot had to be learned before he released me completely in the water with the sharks babyyy! God gave me a preview of what was to come on a bigger scale. I take solace in the fact now that I know God has a plan for me and my business. I know that it's so much to come. I'm no longer searching for that 2020 or 2021 success. I'm not looking back because God has made a new me that can only go forward! The new me wouldn't even feel right in 2020 environments! Tuh! I got crazy faith now! God first in everything I do. Whatever is the plan I KNOW it's about to be bigger than Nino Brown lol. The shame I felt will not be able to compare to the joy I feel when God does his big one! Stay Faithful girl! Don't be afraid to pivot and start over! There is power in new beginnings! Keep trying until you get it right! You're not starting from scratch, you coming with God and some experience this time boo! God would not have given you the vision without the plan to go with it! The only difference between you and the millionaires is that they KEPT GOING! You're story will be proof that God don't play bout you! I hope you're ready! "God is within her, she will not fail!" ~Psalms 48:5
Another great read!!!! Please keep them coming! You at healing not only yourself but others with this!!!
Girl! I was reading this like it was a book I didn’t want to put down! Thank you! Your latter will be greater – KEEP THE FAITH! ✨